Pedimenta

Feet come to us two for the price of one. In such cases one is usually inferior to the other. Most of us have a dominant foot, the one that throws its shoe in the ring first. Its partner has no choice but to follow, if just to balance things out. Within a pair, feet are not identical. One is left and one is right, and this often leads to trouble. Take dancing, for instance. The right foot usually steps out first leaving the left foot with no cue. Follow forward or rock back. The right foot knows the score, but the left doesn’t know whether to slide, skip or spin. This ultimately leads to an argument. Two feet stepping on each other’s toes results in a collapse on the dance floor.
Two feet can be walking along, on the sidewalk or across a parking lot, for example, caught up in poise when suddenly one encounters an impediment that the other doesn’t. Foot number one, oblivious to the danger, strolls ahead, and foot number two stumbles. It is well to remember that poise goeth before a fall.
Toes are very helpful, necessary even, but also a source of conflict. Feet are vain, and just let there be a broken toe or bunion or corn appear on a toe on one foot, and it has to endure ridicule from its partner. This embarrasses the afflicted foot, which is already in pain. It is never easy for the disfigured to live with someone else’s beauty.
Feet are grateful for socks, but even socks can be a reason for contention. One foot might be colder or warmer than the other. What to wear? Socks come in pairs too. Feet become agitated when socks that have been worn and molded to one, get put on the other. That big puffy end hangs out over the little toes making each foot look like a square-toed sloth.
Shoes are another issue. What fits the right foot does not always fit the left. Besides bunions and corns, there are hammertoes, fallen arches, heel spurs and plantar fasciitis. These conditions often attack only one foot. The other foot has no empathy for elastic cuffs and bandages, support socks, and orthopedic inserts. It just wants to meander in fashionable pumps and stylish sandals. Sometimes one foot is bigger than the other. Because shoes come in pairs too, one foot will always be a little out of step. Shoes can get on the wrong feet. This results in a screaming match between feet. Nothing feels right until the mix-up is settled.
Doctors specialize in feet. The pedicure has evolved into an art form. Pedometers measure our steps; status is measured by a pedigree. iPods deliver our music and media. The precedent for man to pedal along on two feet is long established, whether they co-podiatate or not.